that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
