dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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