Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
