Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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