the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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