how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
