Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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