Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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