He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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