I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
