Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
