guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Boobs speak an international language.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
