Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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