how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm like, not good at living.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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