and she was petting her beer can
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
