So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
