ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
