thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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