I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
