My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
