i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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