my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
