I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
