I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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