If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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