i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
