I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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