when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
