I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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