I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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