The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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