my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
