what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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