mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
