it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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