I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
