New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
