sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
we should paint friendship bongs
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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