It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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