Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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