just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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