she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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