he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
