So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
