i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
where are my eyebrows?
So apparently I’m into choking now
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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