so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
