You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
