I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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