I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
