If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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