omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
