when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
