party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
