good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
