I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize