Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
