obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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