I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
