the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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