I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
They should really pass out barf bags in church
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
