yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
