I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
