are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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