38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
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I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
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I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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