Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
