oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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