i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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