this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
