no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
