mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
