The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize