I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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