she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
