Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
