you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
