Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
