sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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